


the only thing in my bed are pizza crumbs and endless dread

by babyboymatt



Category: Deadpool (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: also another title brought to you by ollie mn, bc i cant be wade for shit tbh, enjoy this awful drabble, i just needed to get myself established, im so sorry for this, props to my sister who wrote the deadpool lines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-08 21:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7774912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyboymatt/pseuds/babyboymatt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>peter thinks about wade or in which a teenager rebels against his thoughts</p>
            </blockquote>





	the only thing in my bed are pizza crumbs and endless dread

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the hunk to my lance](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+hunk+to+my+lance).



his bed was always either too warm or too cold and sometimes he couldn't tell the difference. the days all molded together - school, hero work, family, repeat - but one day always stood out, like wearing a mecha cosplay to a fairy tea party. the day he stumbled into what he thought was an abandoned building as he cradled his side while he bled through the slits in his fingers, he met Deadpool.

"not looking so hot there, spideroo," he noted, leaning against a vandalized wall.

peter inwardly groaned. "I thought I was finally getting some alone time."

he pretended to be examining his fingernails, although they were covered with gloves. "seems the phrase 'alone time' doesn't work with villains, huh?" he said nonchalantly.

"what _you_ know about villains? from what _I've_ heard, you're a gun for hire. a really _good_  gun for hire." he shifted so that he was leaning his head on the wall, his lower half of his body completely on the concrete below. 

Deadpool chuckled. "you got spunk, kid. I like it. sure, I'm a gun for hire, but at least I'm comfortable with what I am to everyone else. can't say the same about you, from what I've noticed." he eyed his body resting on the floor. "look at you- injured enough to require medical attention and yet you're hiding from everyone else."

"new york needs a hero," he winced. "somebody to look up to, to help out the police. not some whiny guy in a spandex suit. they can't see me like.. like _this_."

"uh huh," he said, clearly unconvinced.

peter scowled. "I can take care of myself. don't talk to me like that, _merc with the mouth_. I'm not helpless just yet."

he nodded. "no, not yet. not while I can help it, at least," he winked at him through his mask. "you're much too cute a superhero to pass on. I'm sure we'll cross paths in the real world soon enough." with that, he stepped into the shadows and was gone. 

peter let out a breath and gripped harder at his side. this was going to be a difficult wound to stitch. 

the memory passed all but too soon as peter groaned into his pillow. _too cold_ , he concluded. his bed is  _too fucking cold_. 

+

he awoke to his 4:50 alarm that morning (as always) and got ready in five minutes (as always), grabbed some toast (as always) and kissed aunt may goodbye (as always). what turned off autopilot mode was the guy in a red suit sitting on a chair on his porch. 

"to whom do I owe this gracious visit?" he put his hand on his hip. "how did you even _know_  I lived here?"

"didn't," the merc replied with a mouthful of pizza. "came to this area for the pizza, then some lady tells me to come inside because I'm- what did you call it again, May?" 

"you were bleeding out," she sighed, shaking her head. "I thought he was you," she said to Peter. 

"yes!  _bleeding out_ ," he finished his pizza, now focused on Peter. "you should have seen the look on her face when the wound healed up on its own before she'd even touched it!"

peter put his face into his hands and sighed. i _can't believe this is really happening. here. at_ my _house_. he looked up only for his gaze to be drawn at Deadpool's bare skin. it moved - healing itself, he guessed - some patches disappearing and reappearing somewhere new, sometimes behind his suit. his eyes traced his jaw, mind trying to figure out how this guy even existed. 

"...get going, he can't be late for school again." aunt may said, gesturing to him. _right. that_.

"as much as i'd like to continue our little chat, may is right." 

Deadpool grinned. "let's get going then!"

"where do you think _you're_ going?" peter said. _as much as i'd like to study you, you can_ not _follow me to school_. 

"going to teach a class, obviously," he replied cheerfully, popping another piece of pizza in his mouth. "I'm subbing..." he paused, scratching his head. "can't remember which class. but I do know it's at your school today! want a ride?" 

his mouth opened and closed three times before answering. "sure..?" hand flexing (an arm was around his skateboard), he looked to deadpool then to aunt may and back with a questioning look on his face. _this guy can_ teach? _in what_ he's _wearing_? _the school_ cleared _this_?

Aunt May chuckled. "maybe now you'll have someone to talk to at school," she ruffled Peter's hair before giving him a quick peck on his forehead. "have a great day!"

"well, no time to lose, Petey! let's hit the road," Deadpool skipped out of the house, unlocking his car, a- no, there was  _no way_ that could be his car!

 _wasn't the whole point of being a mercenary was to be invisible?_ Peter wondered as he watched Deadpool hop into the driver's seat of a cherry red Lamborghini. 

"you like my ride?" he purred, his hips thrust ever-so-slightly forward. "it's my favorite... this baby has yet to fail me."

he tried his best to shrug off all of the suspicious activity, but it was getting the better of him. 

"are they seriously going to believe that a _teacher_ can afford _this_ car?" he stepped in, closing the door gently. "how did you even find time in your mercanary career to get a _teaching_ degree? did you even _earn_  one?"

Deadpool laughed, starting the car and revving his engine. "nope!" he said, before racing off in the general direction of Peter's high school.

peter was glad he had managed to put on his seatbelt before he fell out of the car. _this guy_ has _to be insane_.

+

they arrived early, deadpool whooping out the open window next to him, and peter's hair looking like he just rolled out of bed. 

he took a deep breath. "how did you land a job like this with a record like _yours_?"

Deadpool shrugged. "I mentioned something about the X-Men and saving the world, and they told me that should more than make up for a lack of degree. clearly saving the world took up too much of my time to go to school, and subbing is just a way of getting integrated back into civilian life," he noticed Peter's disbelieving look and added, "there might have also been gunpoint involved."

"of course," he opened the car door and stepped out, thankful to be out of an object that cost more than his life. "in typical deadpool fashion. I'm assuming you're under an alias, too."

"an alias? what's that?" he asked.

"since you're you, I'm pretty sure you don't want anyone to know who you actually are. am I correct on that assumption?" he questioned and closed the door.

"uh... totally!" he laughed nervously, quickly locking the car and walking towards the office.

peter sighed, massaging his temples. "please tell me you didn't give your real name and subsequently put everyone here in danger by alerting your enemies where you are right now."

"none of my enemies know my real name is Wade Wilson!" he protested as they walked into the office.

 "this is going to be a long day," he muttered under his breath, following behind him. 

"ah, Mr. Wilson!" called the principal. "glad I caught you. here is the classes you will be substituting for today, along with a map of the school. if you need further assistance, feel free to ask any of the staff. have a wonderful day!" with that, he hurried off, wiping the sweat off his brow.

"cool! now I know what I'll be teaching," Deadpool said, oblivious to everyone else's wariness of him.

"this is a gun free school, Mr. Wilson." he half-mocked his principal, walking to his locker. "don't you think that you should, I don't know, maybe you put your visible weapons somewhere else?"

he paused, considering this. "I'm wearing a skin-tight spandex onzie," he said. "where is a less visible place to put them besides my gun holsters?"

"a janintor's closet. an empty classroom. my locker," he was joking about the last one, but wade actually looked like he was lettering it as an option. " _not_ my locker."

he pouted. "but then I'll know exactly where they are! and then we can bond over both knowing your locker combo."

"and then you'll steal my textbooks.. and my food. we're not doing this." he sighed, holding his books in his arms. "either you find an empty room or break school policy. you choose."

"I am world-renowned for my rule breaking abilities!" he sang as he looked at the paper the principal gave him. "let's see... first class... Calculus AB!? what the fuck is that shit?!"

he groaned, pressing his hand into his face. "follow me." he turned to the direction of his classroom, starting to walk.

"let's skip there and make merry!" he suggested, looping his arm around Peter's and starting to skip.


End file.
